Trend or Trap?

Declan will be 3 months old on Earth next week. Time flies. And, I've started to think of what kinda education and life we should provide him. I might sound a bit "kiasu" but I just like to think and observe things too much! :p

Welp, there are so many children programs in the market now. All is based on the needs for the parents. I wonder is all of them good for the kids. Are they a need for the babies and kids. It is a question mark to me. Gymboree, Kindermusik, Shichida, Montessori, you name it. I'm confused by the marketing and advertisement more. Most importantly, some of the fees are not cheap although it's affordable. But is it a must to my little Declan? I ponder..... I wonder..... I contemplate..... And, is this a trend or trap????? Other parents send their babies/toddlers to the programs but do I have to do the same thing? Do I have to follow what others do or have done? Is it really worth it?

I'm a full time home maker and mother. That means, I've 24/7 time for my family. But do I have enough time for little Declan? I guess this is all based on my own time management and what I wanna provide my son. I'm worried that KJ can't digest everything in one time and it'll become worse to him.

I wish to give Declan a happy and healthy childhood. I had a happy childhood with my siblings and cousins. We played and shared our own toys and we even imagined our own world during our play time. So I guess, first of all, I should bring Declan and meet more friends out there. So that he can have some play mates for socialization. As for those music, story, singing, gymnastic, fun programs, I'd do more research and hopefully I can do it at home with the little monster. It's fun to have DIY program at home, too.

Wish me luck!

女人

這篇，是我生了 Declan 而有感而發的。那天，我也和 King 聊到我的疑問和感受。

我說，女人真的是很很很很很偉大！！！超偉大，很大的那種！！我一一分析給他聽。女人在自己的家庭成長了十幾二十年，然後願意嫁給男人。然後要嫁進男方那家，搬進男人的家，甚至和不是養育自己的家翁家婆一起住。要遷就這裡遷就那裡。公婆要求孫兒，女人就得努力。若沒孩子，公婆就責怪女人不能生（你以為母雞生蛋哶！）。老一派的公婆還說要生個男孫呢（媽的，還要選！）。ok, 女人努力了，懷孕了。懷孕時，有錢的公婆或許（我是說或許而已，ok）會給女人吃點好的。沒懷孕的話，誰有空給你吃好的呀？懷胎 9 至 10 個月，辛苦的是女人。女人的害喜和肚子的重量，男人懂個屁？等到要生的時候，肚子疼個半死，或者六層的肚皮要開一刀，誰願意去承擔那種痛和肚皮上的疤痕？還是女人自己。痛了過後，生了過後，餵人奶的是當媽媽的那一位，不是爸爸厚。半夜起來餵奶的也是女人。辛苦了這麼久，而小貝比的姓確是跟爸爸姓的（哇嘮哩！）！而公婆都一直在看小貝比長得像誰。哇，當然是像男方一家啦。好的都像完爸爸啦，伯伯叔叔姑姑爺爺奶奶啦。小孩若是不精靈，就是像媽媽啦。若是公婆搖電話來，第一句問的是孫怎樣怎樣，而非問起媳婦做月有沒有休息或補得夠不夠，照顧小孩辛不辛苦。然後呢，照顧小貝比和小孩的主要是媽媽。若是公婆知道男人會和貝比洗澡，那女人不是很輕鬆（哇噻，應該是讚美男人的體貼吧？）？如果照顧的不好或是有點差錯，公婆會說女人不會教不會養他們的孫。男人或孫若長得乾巴巴的，就說是女人不會照顧老公和孩子。還有嗎。。。？我不懂。

說著說著 ，我好像要流眼淚了。好像我很慘那樣，呵呵！但是，心裡就是有種不平衡。女人所做的一切，到最後，若是男人回家給女人個擁抱，孩子給媽媽個微笑，甚麼都了！

King 說，女人是 powerful 的。男人能做的，女人也能做；女人能做的，男人未必能做。

《世上只有媽媽好》寫得實在是太對了！然而，我要強調的是，今天我是別人的媳婦，太太與母親，將來我也會是別人的家婆和婆婆。如果我們能好好得教育下一代，好好疼惜我們以後的媳婦，這世界會更加美好！多重身分的我們，應該要好好珍惜身邊的每一位親人，那管是同姓或否。

給家翁們 －－ 生男生女，是靠你家兒子的 X，Y 精子。麻煩去差差看。
給家婆們 －－ 你以前也是人家的媳婦。所以，媳婦的心情你應該最明瞭。
給老公們 －－ 老婆是娶來疼的。請多珍惜你家的黃臉婆。要買漂亮的衣服和化妝品是應該的。
給孩子們 －－ 媽媽生你雖辛苦，但是你是媽媽的力量。要替媽媽加油哦！
給娘家們 －－ 恭喜你擁有一個堅強的女兒！嫁過去了還是個漂亮媽媽！耶！

Mix feeding

現代有很多母親都是餵人奶，而且是 fully breast feeding。而我呢，我和 King 選擇了 mix feeding －－ breast milk 加上 formula。然後有一些人就會開始告訴我餵全人奶的好處等等，甚至還超熱情地找上門來。而且還告訴我可以的話，不要餵 formula，而改餵全人奶。我們還是很堅定得做出我們當初的選擇 －－ mix feeding。

其實，當了媽媽之後，我對很多事情都看得很開了，也不那麼執著。Dr. Yap 曾經告訴過我們，不要太執著。我當初在還沒生產時是很堅定要餵全人奶。但後來患上 pre-eclampsia 和 血崩之後，我發現到，我能給 Declan 的並不是全人奶，而是我當時能給他最好的，就是我的健康，我要一個健康的身體來保護 Declan 和陪伴他一起成長。這是我和 King 愛他的方式。我沒有給 Declan 全人奶並不代表我不夠愛他呀。

很多母親都勸說，我要努力多一點，餵多一點；還有餵人奶的好處多多；不可以放棄餵人奶，因為人奶是世界上最好的奶；還有一堆啦。有時候我聽得多，我真的很想問這些人，請告訴我們一些我所不知道的！你們所說的，我和 King 都一一明瞭！我們都知道餵人奶很好，最好，特別好，太好不過了！我的人奶不夠，那我能怎樣？該吃的我都吃了，該試的我也試了。我沒有錯。

～ 一位曾餵人奶的印度鄰居告訴我，孩子們是不知道你給他人奶或奶粉的。他們還是一樣的成長。他們還是一樣地愛你。

～ 一位收英文教育的鄰居告訴我，人奶和奶粉都有各自營養。我們不能否定兩種食物。選擇你所能選擇的。

～ 一位好朋友和她母親一直叮嚀我，自己的健康勝過一切。餵奶粉沒有錯。

～ 我那餵全人奶的表妹告訴我說，她很佩服我。因為我經歷了苦難的生產前後過程，我還是願意餵人奶，雖然是不多，但還是很偉大。很多母親未必能做得到如此，甚至早已放棄餵人奶了。

～ 我媽說，有多少人奶，就給多少。不要給自己太大的壓力。

～ King 說，有餵到人奶就很不錯了。他擔心我的健康多過人奶的供應。他可以買奶粉給小 Declan。我知道他不像失去我的健康，更不像失去我。

～ 我看了很多書本。而餵人奶的第一個 priority 就是母親要有個健康的身體。

～ 我是喝奶粉長大的小孩。現在已經 34 歲了。還是活生生的，而且長得還不錯。哈哈哈哈哈哈！

我的身體在生產前后患了那兩種症狀而倒下了。糟糕的是，我在生產后的 6 個星期是需要 on medication 的。雖然醫生都說沒有藥性的副作用，但我還是很不喜歡吃藥，因為我要餵人奶。我吃藥，Declan 也是在吃藥。那怎麼行？！不管那是仙丹靈藥還是普通的藥，都是對 Declan 不好的。所以，我們選擇了給他加上 formula。

我花了6個星期才把自己最 basic 的體能恢復過來 －－ 就是上樓梯不喘氣，出門不會勞累，臉色恢復紅嫩，等等。而我生產后的 diarhea 確在第 8，9 週才恢復正常 －－ 前面的 8，9 個星期，我天天都在拉肚子！！醫生說那是因為我的腸里感染了不懂甚麼鳥細菌。而我的做月婆在第 8 週離開了我們。我和 King 就開始自己照顧小 Declan 了。我們的飲食都得依靠自己而攝取足夠的營養，而製造有營養的人奶給小 Declan。我和 King 確定了之後都會相互鼓勵。我們要給 Declan 一個有歡樂和健康的家庭。

一直到現在，當 Declan 的 feeding time 到了，我都是先餵人奶，然後再加上奶粉。我的人奶是很少，到現在我還是在繼續餵人奶。我要的是 quality，不是 quantity （volumn)。如果我吃得不夠營養，身體又弱，我有很多很多人奶也沒有用。

每一個家庭所碰到的問題都不一樣。所以，每一位母親都有不同的選擇。我選擇了最適合我們家庭的方式去愛 Declan。請尊重我們吧！

When they sleep on each other's tummies

I see this scene every morning. They love to sleep on each other's tummy, haha! What a father-and-son scene!

Coby and us

Coby!! Many friends care about Coby after the arrival of Declan. They all asked about Coby and its reaction when he met Declan.

Coby has been behaving well in the past 2 months. He couldn't get to see me for 10 days when I was hospitalized. And when I got home, I couldn't pet and hug him as usual during my confinement. I'd say, Coby and I missed each other very much! King has been taking care of Coby all this while. And, Coby has understood that Daddy is the one who can spend more time with him since then. I'm glad that everything about Coby is well taken care of by King! Even my confinement lady does care about Coby, haha!

Well, we slowly introduce Declan to Coby lately. We feel so touched when Coby kisses Declan's hands and legs!!! It's such an amazing scene!!

Okay, now I can tell everyone that, my family members are King, Coby and Declan. We are one happy family! =)

My content baby

Declan is a music lover, I can tell. When we turn on the music every time, he seems enjoy the musics very much. And, this is the way to keep this little monster occupied when I have to do my own personal things and house chores.

My 34th Birthday

生日－－母難日。以前聽過這個辭彙，但根本談不上甚麼感覺。自從生了 Declan 了之後，對“母難日”就有點恐懼感。生日，怎麼過？我今年好像也沒有甚麼興致去慶祝。只要一家人（和 Coby 狗狗）能夠在一起，我就已經很滿足了。我的生日，是我媽 34 年前的母難日。我好像也不好意思去大慶祝甚麼的。

Declan 讓我深深瞭解到母難日的真正意義。回想起我生 Declan 之前與之後所經過的日子，我就流汗！別人生孩子很容易，我這個安帝生孩子就那麼多經歷。嚇人哶？！昨天早上，我們一家人一起去見了我們尊敬的 Dr. Yap。聊了我之前所患的病 (pre-eclampsia 妊辰毒血症 & HELLP syndrome 血崩) 和之後要做的身體檢查等等之後，Dr. Yap 還是鼓勵我們再多個兩年，我可以再懷孕。我簡直就在流汗，舉起雙手，擺個大阿差，表示不可能！！！雖然患的機率還是很高（30％），但是一些人還是鼓勵我要往那 70％ 的好機率方面想。我只能說，只有親身體念才能讓人深深瞭解到，生孩子的偉大與危險！而生多少個孩子對我來說，數目不重要。一家人能夠健康快樂得在一起成長才是最珍貴的。人生當中，每一樣東西只要和數目扯上關係的，人人都會拿來做比較。何苦？有多少個孩子，有多少輛車子，有多少個老婆，有多少錢？答案都是一個數字而已。寫一下不就可以了事，呵？！

和死神擦肩而過，我把 King 和 Declan 的手握得緊緊的。憶起當時 King 罵醫生和護士 man man 的樣子，想起我們把 Declan 留在醫院時的情景，我的心還是會抽一下。這兩隻屬老虎的都把我的心抓得緊緊的，我想我這輩子就是要服侍這兩位皇帝的啦，呵呵！

過去這一個月來所接到的越洋電話和問候不斷，鼓勵更是連連，我們的感激真的是不盡！抱歉的是我沒辦法及時向所有的親戚朋友們報平安。曲折的生產故事全都是原自於我的 Placenta 而產生的妊辰高血壓和嚇人的血崩。而我最感激的是醫學的進步！！！否則，我也不敢去想這個“否則”。

我 34 歲的生日，我第一個有寶寶的生日，真的是很不同！餵小恩桐喝奶的感覺就是我最棒的生日禮物！

生日，是讓我們重生的日子嗎？＝）

I'm your sweet mommy!

Hello my lil' KJ! I'm your mommy, a sweet mommy! We met each other 5 weeks earlier but that's okay. I'm thrilled to hold you in my arms! You came to our world earlier and our life is full of laughter since your arrival!

I'm a funny mommy, too. I'm sorry to tell you that I always make you up! This is one of the many ways to show my love towards you, Declan. Daddy said I like to make fun on you and he pity you. But you know what, our life should be full of joy and creativity, even your daily hairstyle! Why should I comb you the same old stupid hairstyle every morning?!?!!!??!!! We should be more creative! =)

I like to spend every single minute with you. But when I wasn't by your bed side, I miss you very much! I miss your baby smell crazily! You mean so much to me, Declan!

At times, how I wish you can stop growing up and be a baby forever. How silly I am! No matter how, Declan, we will go through everything together step by step. Please be patient with us as we are newly parents at this moment. We learn a lot of new things about life since your arrival. I'm happy to say that, your appearance make our life happier and more meaningful! =)

Declan, my sweetheart! Mommy can't stop kissing you from head to toe every day and night. I just love you too much! You are indeed our bundle of joy! =)

Hi from Big Daddy!

Declan, this is your Dad, your proud Daddy! He feels proud every time when you were noticed by stranger outdoor because you look just too cute! And, I love this pinky romper with "If you think I'm cool, you should see my dad"! The shirt says it all, don't you agree, Declan? =)

Daddy loves holding you in his arm all the time. He looks for every single chance to bathe you, change diaper for you and bottle feed you! He just can't stop looking at you and start having a man-talk with ya! I guess you'll be quite occupied by everyone in this house! Or the other way round? Oh hahahaha....

You've a Big Daddy! He's mommy's Big Man! Mommy loves him very very much! And, I hope you love him too! Because Daddy loves you without stopping a single second. Enjoy your days and nights with Big Daddy! =)

Here comes your Wai Gong & Wei Poh

Hello Declan! Here come your Wai Gong and Wai Poh! They always call mommy and ask about you. They love holding you in their arms and talking to you. You gonna love sitting on their laps one day! =)

Here comes your Yeh Yeh & Poh Poh

Hi Declan! Here come your Yeh Yeh and Poh Poh! They can't wait to meet you, you know! They want to hold you in their arms so badly! They even see you from head to toe and check everything of you out! You are gonna love playing with them one day! =)

Our hands

Declan, you are in good hands;

Declan, we've got you in our safe arms;

Declan, daddy and mommy love you!

Flexibility

Everyone likes to plan. Nobody likes no plan ahead before we do and take action. Me neither. Without a plan, I hardly do things right and I know what I want to achieve.

Well, I had my birth plan, King and I have planned a lot of things together for our baby during our pre-birth period. However, we've many unexpected surprises along the pregnancy and child birth delivery. I thought I was able to pre-shadowed whatever I want accordingly along my pregnancy and birth delivery. But now, I learnt that things are not always go with our plans. Nothing is perfect. Now, I've learnt not to be so stubborn but flexible. The flexibility give me strength and happiness! Really!

I wanted to give birth naturally, I should say I WISH TO. And, we planned to deliver baby in a private hospital. I wished to hold my baby right after my delivery and breastfeed him. I even wished to start bonding with him right away!!! I wanted to breastfeed him without giving formula. There are many I-wanted-to or I-wished-to. But surprises pop up out of the sudden one by one. I don't care about those I-wanted-to or I-wished-to. I just want my baby to be safe and sound healthily. It's that simple! Now I even mix-feed Declan without much worries. Why cares much about those plans if I've a better solutions?!

Flexibility give me strength to keep on surviving with my family. And, I am happier now and then! =)

My confinement lady

This is my beloved Confinement Lady! She's such a wonderful nanny in the past 7 weeks! We are so blessed to have her during my confinement period and Declan was well taken care of! Surprisingly, she even rang me up a couple times to check things out and make sure we are doing alright with little Declan. We became good friends now. =)

Thank you, Dr. Yap!!!

Dr. Yap, you are a wonderful Gynae to us!!

We paid Dr. Yap a visit after my confinement to show our greatest appreciation. I was very very happy to visit her with Declan and King since the delivery. She is a wonderful doctor who helped us to save a big amount of medical bill in the end. Knowing that I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, she suggested us to have ourselves registered in UMMC as early as we could for emergency purpose. We felt thankful to follow her instructions. And now, both mother and baby are safe and sound.

Declan, Dr. Yap save our lives! I'll bring you to visit her when you are able to say Thank-you one day! =)